


Wishing Upon a Star

by Bai_Marionette



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Implied Child Abuse, Implied Domestic Violence, Ivan is an astronaut, M/M, implied alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-26
Updated: 2014-07-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 11:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2022696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bai_Marionette/pseuds/Bai_Marionette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred can't handle being alone, it hurts too much to think about that - but Ivan promised to come back to fill up the empty space and he said he would bring a beautiful star on the way home. Alfred is holding him to that promise. Although the star is an extra bonus, he just wants his lover home safely and back in his arms once again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishing Upon a Star

**Wishing Upon a Star**

Alfred laughed, cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol, as he was spun around for possibly the tenth time. His footing was sloppy, his grin was lopsided, he smelled of liquor. But his happiness was genuine, his grin was natural and he was with the only person to have truly stolen his heart.

"Fredka," the other spoke up. Alfred loved his voice so much. Not just for the accent, the deep melody of it. It just - it made him happy. He felt safer when Ivan said it was okay than any other. The only greater voice to counter it was the voice of his mother but Alfred hadn’t long forgotten what her face looked like after the divorce.

"Fredka," large but gentle fingers to grip his chin. Eyes, special ones to be both childish and old at once, were mocking. "Come on, we’ve celebrated enough. You, most definitely."

Alfred giggled. Such a nice voice.

"You’re tripping everywhere," Ivan said, it sounded like he was laughing. Alfred laughed with him - oops, he was too loud. The Russian didn’t even mind, steadying him on his feet and declaring their exit before walking them outside.

No car, no need in the big city, and nothing but crisp air to sting Alfred’s cheeks and nose. An occasional drunken giggle, an old hymn being hummed, cars both sleeping and zipping by. Snow was falling.

"I-I love ya," the younger leaned heavily on the other. He stumbled on the stair steps to their shared apartment. "I really do, big guy."

A light pressure on his head, a happy sigh, a low reply back. The familiar but foreign language already clicking in Alfred’s mind. _I love you too_.

It was enough for Alfred. For now.

The next morning, despite his hangover, Alfred helped Ivan get ready. The Russian seemed so happy to go off into space, so eager to do something big where he had once felt so small, had been told as an orphan in Russia that he would amount to nothing, but here he was. An American citizen - and not only that, but an astronaut about to go off into space.

Alfred was quiet. Space. That was far away. Phones didn’t cover that. His hands on his shoelaces slowed. Ivan’s feet kept moving. He was moving forward.

But was Alfred? He was still technically fresh out of high school, and still only a waiter at a local diner.

Ivan had a degree, had built on that degree, was licensed, was certified, had honors and awards - was about to go off into space.

Space.

There would be space in their bed. Alfred’s fingers weren’t even moving now. But his tears were. Ivan’s feet slowed - turned - and there was a call for Alfred. He was about to go off to space.

Space - there was new space to fill up, the chips in a heart, the empty side of the bed, the empty noises that Ivan used to make, the words that wouldn’t be returned until he returned back.

Space - too much empty space.

"Fredka," large but gentle hands on his shoulders. Hands that wouldn’t come back for months. Empty space. It wasn’t fair, there was too much space - too much empty space. "Fredka, you promised…"

 _You promised at the altar you wouldn’t leave me_ , Alfred couldn’t help to remember.

"You promised you wouldn’t cry for me…Please, get up, no - Don’t cry, dorogoy, I’ll be back. It’s only a couple of months, I’ll be right back - Please, Alfred."

Soft murmurs of no, almost a chant, Alfred could feel himself shaking his head. Too much empty space - the liquor hadn’t helped at all. He would still remember. But he didn’t want to remember - he wanted to forget - to forget like he forgot his mother’s wrath and his father’s yelling.

He wanted to forget the empty space - but he couldn’t. Ivan was still there, he was kneeling down in front of him to remind him of everything that he was about to lose. He would lose to a bunch of empty space.

"Alfred, look at me." He tried. "I’ll bring you back a star, da? I’ll bring you back what you remind me of - what I asked for when I asked you to marry  me. I will bring you back the brightest star I can find…do you trust me? Will you let me go off to bring you a star?"

He wanted to say no so badly. But he couldn’t. He didn’t. He nodded, “Please don’t forget to come back.”

Ivan wiped a thumb under his eye. “I can’t forget - there would be too much to leave behind.”

Ivan was very good at remembering things. Like where he came from, his culture, Alfred, the little quirks the younger had, the special things, the bad things, their arguments, where they almost broke up but made up, the even worse things like where Alfred had stabbed his hand in a drunken fury over but despite everyone telling him to - how he hadn’t sent Alfred to jail because he knew Alfred hadn’t been able to help it.

The liquor stopped the swings, stopped the headaches and the tremors, if only for a little while - he knew it was like to be on edge.

He was very good at remembering these things, had always been good at remembering things, and Alfred had trusted him. Trusted him to come home.

They shared a few more kisses then Alfred had to get up. Ivan was going to be late on his big day - but no, they made it. Ivan waited until the last possible moment to let go of Alfred’s hand.

When he did, Alfred tried reaching for it again. Empty space -

But Ivan smiled and mouthed ‘I’ll be home soon.’

Alfred believed him, he wanted to believe he’d come home soon, he wanted to believe that Ivan would come home in one piece.

Alfred stood with the crowd. His chest hurt. He tried breathing a bit more - the hurt softened. The sun hurt his eyes. Some people darted to the wedding ring on his finger, whispered about it, sneered at it, and Alfred ignored them.

He watched Ivan go up in his big ‘little’ ship and up and up and up - until he couldn’t see anymore. He waited longer than most of the crowd. A friend already knew to come and get him, to take him home, and make sure that he took all of his medicine before he sent to bed like a child.

Ivan was going to bring him back a star.

It had better be worth it.

Alfred had always been a bit bad at keeping time, part of the reason why he thought he complimented Ivan so well, when he forgot - Ivan would remember. Ivan would remember.

At first, Alfred would always watch the clock. He listened to the news, heard every radio host blabber on and on, he read the papers. He did everything he could to stay informed.

But he still forgot. He forgot to stop making full pots of coffee if it was only him, he forgot to make his side of the bed, he would forget to eat some nights because it was Ivan’s turn to cook and Alfred couldn’t remember that Ivan had said he’d make up for it when he came back, he forgot to smile sometimes.

But one thing he never forgot - the empty space.

It was just like Ivan had been - always there to remember and remind him.

Alfred hated that damned empty space.

Time seemed to creep for Alfred but then he was being tugged aside from an order, said someone was on the phone for him and that he had the rest of the weekend off.

It had been some old man, his voice ruined by smoking cigars more than six times a day, nothing like the sweet and accented baritone that Alfred wanted to hear, this voice was kinda ugly and sounded nasty - gruff - but it gave good news.

The shuttle would land in the morning, at best.

Alfred barely remembered to take off his apron and thank his boss before he was out the door. Not even the Swiss guy had been able to beat him to the elevators.

Alfred barely slept, he had stayed up most of the night to look outside the window - to see if Ivan had truly brought him back his star.

When morning came, he got up early to wash and try to find that sweater that Ivan had bought him so long ago. It had gotten a bit baggy, he hoped that Ivan wouldn’t notice.

He ran all the way to the subway, waited impatiently for the doors to open, and he pushed his way on and watched the cement walls blur. He was the first to get off, the first to break for the exit.

Alfred waited from the place that everyone else did for the shuttle to come back. He waited, it seemed like forever, and nothing in sight. He almost thought he had been lied to, that all of these people had been lied to -

And then he saw it, a dot at first. But every second, it seemed to get bigger. It got bigger and bigger and bigger and then Alfred could tell it was the shuttle. Someone swore behind him, he didn’t hear.

Time slapped the blonde in the face and decided to go incredibly slow. Slow. Empty space between him and Ivan. But the space was lessening now.

It was getting smaller. It had an end. It had an end - and was getting smaller. Smaller and smaller yet.

The shuttle was landing.

Alfred could see it stop, see it unload, see everything - and he didn’t see Ivan. There was too much stuff in the way - and then, something almost terribly tall. Yup, there was Ivan.

Ivan had brought his star.

Alfred walked on numb feet to where everyone was told to go to greet their friends and family, waited for what felt like hours for everything to be checked out to be sure everyone was okay, he waited forever and a day to see the man who promised to bring him a star.

Others came out before.

A busty blonde who was greeted by some stone faced guy who gave her a green ribbon. She cried at seeing the ribbon, cried in front of everyone as he took her home. Alfred didn’t get why she was so happy to see a stupid ribbon.

A star was more important than any stupid ribbon. Where was Ivan with his star?

A burly guy came out, grinning ear to ear, speaking in fluent Spanish, his dreadlocks hanging further over his shoulders. Three kids and a woman went to greet him, kissing his cheeks and all talking over each other. He just laughed and pulled them along with him.

Alfred couldn’t understand them, he had taken French in high school, and he couldn’t understand why it was taking Ivan so long to bring him a simple star. At this point, he didn’t care if it wasn’t the biggest or the brightest or the best.

The people blurred right before his eyes.

He didn’t care if he got a star at all anymore -

He just wanted Ivan.

And then a pair of solid footsteps came down, familiar against the sound of mindless chatter and empty space in Alfred’s ears. The blonde’s head felt filled with cotton, his ears stuffed, and his eyes attuned to the slightest detail.

Ivan was the last to come out, and when he came from around the corner, Alfred met him there - well, he more than met him there, he jumped him. Bounced right off the sofa, feet barely touching the floor, Ivan not only given a chance to speak before he grunted and ended back on the floor.

Ivan - no more empty space.

There was no more than empty space in his arms, if any at all. Ivan was home, back to him, he was in one piece, he was laughing at him, using his voice - he was okay.

Ivan was okay, he had come back, Alfred had him back. No more empty space. He had already forgotten the long months of waiting, the months of worry, the sleepless and heavy nights - he could just forget all the bad  things, after all of the months, he had Ivan back.

Alfred didn’t remember getting off the floor, he didn’t remember them leaving the building after the little applause and cheers, he didn’t remember walking into the warm air.

But he never forgot to hold Ivan’s hand, to lean on Ivan’s  shoulder, to just bask in the space that Ivan took up - all the way up to the apartment, he made sure they were inseparable. No more empty space. There would be no more of an excuse of empty space.

When they got there, Ivan laughed at how the place was kinda dirty because Alfred didn’t always remember to clean up. The dishes were done, at least. But the laundry needed some doing.

Ivan filled the empty air with his laughter, his complaints of ‘space meals,’ the clatter of pans, everything and anything to fill and take up the empty space. The apartment was rich with the smell of his cooking, as he went on and on about the excitement of space.

Alfred was happy to listen at his side, smiling all the way, he tried to help to coax the whole adventure from the bouncing grown man. It was funny. Usually, he was the one going off the walls - now, Ivan was the one overly chipper.

Alfred liked it. It took up even more space, made the cracks easier to heal over, made listening easier, made smiling easier, even when his mind felt almost numb.

"And then -" Ivan went to start as he started to finish the simple meal when he turned to Alfred and then just stared. He had been on the verge of explaining further how Earth looked outside of the atmosphere and had just stopped.

He leaned in, smiling oh so warmly, pressing his forehead to Alfred’s, and he stopped talking. They just stood together, fingers entwining on their own, softly swaying to some unheard tune, an old and familiar hymn being hummed between them. Their wedding rings glinted between them. 

Familiarity, filled space and filled with love - but Alfred had to speak up. “The food’s about to burn.”

Ivan smiled, the crinkle back to his eyes, the lines set in his face brought out by the simple smile. It almost seemed like he was waiting for Alfred to say it first, but then then he did. “I love you.”

It brought tears to Alfred’s eyes again without him even having tot hink about it, something that Ivan was quick to wipe away. “I love you too,” the younger replied, “I love you so so much.”

They ate outside, on the porch, Alfred in Ivan’s lap, being taught on the star constellations because Alfred always forgot and Ivan always liked teaching them again.

"So, if I take the that star -"

"Name it, Alfred. We all deserve a name."

"Okay," Alfred made a quirk of his mouth as he tried to think of a name. "Ar- Arcturus?" Ivan nodded and he kept going, "Okay, so if I take Arcturus and go left, see, uh Bootes?" Ivan nodded again, "It should be a little U-shape, right?"

"Very good," Ivan praised. "And what is that constellation?"

"Uh, Corona, right?" Alfred said.

"Exactly," Ivan continued to smile. "And do you know what that constellation’s name means?" Alfred shook his head, Ivan made him look with him to the sky.

"It is the ‘northern crown,’" Ivan leaned in to sit his chin over Alfred’s collar. "And it is famous for bringing about the brightest stars in the sky. Every baby born in July gets to have their own crown."

"Wait, what?" Alfred turned slightly in Ivan’s lap. "It’s only for July?"

"It’s best seen in July," Ivan clarified, chuckling a bit.

"Oh," Alfred said, leaning his head back on the other’s build and enjoying the space filled between them. "But it’s not July."

"Exactly, that is why I corrected myself."

"Oh," Alfred said, looking back at the sky. "Hey, Ivan?"

"Hm?"

"Where’s my star?"

"Hm?" Ivan repeated and then stretched his arm to check his watch. "It should be coming around…right about now."

Alfred looked at the sky for a minute, saw nothing but city life and nighty sky. “I’m not -“

And then, he realized everyone was also outside and pointing up. He felt Ivan chuckle behind him as the American looked up and his jaw dropped.

A streak of light spun through their sky, bright and trailing back dust, and Alfred gasped and bounced to watch it trail over their heads. The image of a dancing ballerina came to mind but it didn’t quite fit. He tried multiple things but then the only thing to stick to him was -

"You actually brought me a star?" Alfred breathed.

"Technically, it’s a ball of space rock passing by us to burn up in the sun," Ivan said, "But yes, let’s call it a star. I heard it was coming before I left and I thought you would like to have something to hope for."

"You brought me a fucking star," Alfred repeated.

"Alfred - I really didn’t do anything -" Ivan tried to say but then Alfred kissed him, grinning against his lips.

"Thank you," Alfred pulled away to smile. "Thank you so much, I love you."

Ivan a bit stunned but his face melted into fondness, “I love you too, Alfred.”

They spent the rest of the night to watch the comet pass before going to bed and filling up more empty space.

::::

**Author's Note:**

> I really do like this fic of mine, it's something of a favorite to me, I'm not sure why. I'm not sure - it might have to do with the space references.


End file.
